HISSTOPHER AND OTHER UNIQUE CAT NAMES
Below is an excerpt taken from the book to share with you. Hope you enjoy!
CHAPTER 2
Faves / Titles / Ready-Made / Cool
Categories in this Chapter Include:
AUTHOR’S FAVORITES
TITLES FOR DIY NAMING
READY-MADE NAMES
COOL NAMES
Names in this book are for a kitty’s “Government Name.” Suggested Nicknames are given in (parentheses). For instance: Polish Sausage (Polly); Hubcap (Cappy).
AUTHOR’S FAVORITES
This group of elite names have the honor of being my personal favorites. They either make me smile more, laugh more, or I pretty much feel that the originator, whoever they are, should receive a Gold Medal in the Cat Naming Olympics…if that were a thing.
These names will appear again in their appropriate categories. So don’t worry if you miss them. They are here just to whet your appetite for what is to come.
Sody Pop * Moxie * Reese Withoutherspoon
Lillipuff * Flea’sha * Beatrix (Potter)
Don’t Care Bear * Stevedave * Dr. DoNothin’
Quinton B. Squinton * Pants * Huckleberry
Wisp * M’yow * Rhonda Civic * Brotato
(Your Own Name) * Rum Raisin
Hello (great when calling to your cat)
Noah Fence * Pew Pew Pew * Whoflung Poo
One-Eyed Pete (for a two-eyed female)
Mullet (French pronunciation “Moo-lay”)
Megamind * Skippity Pap * Thylvester
Thiccolas (chonky cat name) * Billiam
Jef Leppard * Cowbert * Box
One of my very favorites requires a reference. It was posted in the Facebook group "Black People Love Cats Too!" Every time I think of the name I laugh and I am reminded of the photo of this handsome cat, front paws crossed, on the back of the couch behind his mom who wrote that she and him were chillin' as she revealed the name she gave to him…
Strayquan
Brilliant, plain and simple. (And yes, she found him as a stray.) Sometimes life is just that basic and lovely.
TITLES FOR DIY NAMING
Cat parents often like to get fancy and add wonderfully pretentious descriptive titles before and/or after their cat’s name. Why? Obviously it is because some kitties’ glory cannot be contained in only one or even two names. This category is for those Do-It-Yourself namers to pick-and-choose appropriate descriptors as they see fit. Do your worst.
START YOUR TITLE WITH…
Emperor/Empress * King/Queen
Grand Duke/Grand Duchess
Prince/Princess
Duke/Duchess * Marquess/Marchioness
Earl/Countess * Viscount/Viscountess
Baron/Baroness * Lord/Lady
Archduke
His/Her Royal Highness
The Right Honourable
Lieutenant * Corporal * Sergeant
Captain * Major * Colonel * Officer
Private * General * Admiral * Commander
Ensign * Navy Seal * Specialist
Brigadier General * Chief Petty Officer
Army Chief of Staff * Airman * Seaman
Deputy * Fire Marshall * Inspector
Sheriff * Chief of Police * State Trooper
Constable * Detective * Commissioner
Royal Canadian Mounted Policeman
FBI Agent * Special Agent * Crime Analyst
Corrections Officer * Private Investigator
Game Warden * Park Ranger
Probation Officer * DEA Officer
Judge * Bailiff * Attorney
Supreme Court Justice * Attorney General
President * Senator * State Representative
Mayor * Governor * Councilman/woman
National Security Advisor * Vice President
Secretary of State * Foreign Minister
Speaker of the House * Chief Justice
Chief of Staff * First Lady * Ombudsman
Sultan * Chief * Mahatma * Viceroy
Dalai Lama * Caesar * Temple Boy
The Venerable * The Dishonorable
His Grace
Dean * Professor * Professor Emeritus
Chancellor * Grand Master * Principal
Counselor * Superintendent * Librarian
Athletic Director * Coach
Doctor * Nurse
Olympic Gold Medalist
Mr. * Mrs. * Miss * Ms.
Señor * Señora * Señorita
Sir * Madam * Dame
TRY PUTTING INTO THE MIDDLE OF THE TITLE…
Add “von” in the middle of the name.
MAYBE ADD A MIDDLE NAME
Lucius * Xavier * Theodore * Emerson
Cumberbatch * Rothschild * Crispin
Ferdinand * Fauntleroy * Fairchild
Hyacinth * Tilly * Binky * Ophelia
Theodosia * Frances * Philomena
Agatha * Josephine * Eugenia
END YOUR TITLE WITH…
Maybe with a place (real or fictional):
of Essex * of Monaco * of Wales * de Sade
of Windsor * of the Highlands * of Rome
of Catterbury * of the Universe * of Space
of the World * of the Final Frontier
of Cameow * of Mouserton
Or perhaps add a job:
From Corporate * Branch Manager
Towel Attendant * Esquire
Attorney at Law (instead of just Attorney)
Engineer * Dentist * Cheerleader * Guru
Human Resources Director * CPA
Dog Walker * Tech Support
You can try adding a simple qualifier:
the Magnificent * the Meanificent
the Defender * the Mischievous
the Destroyer
Or you can get a wee bit more descriptive:
Mewer of 100 Decibels
Opener of Locked Doors
Violator of Personal Space
Defiler of Worlds * Duke of Hazzard
Or you could back it up a notch and be cute:
Kitten-at-Arms * Protector of Men
Sultan of Squish * Lord of the Pounce
Master of the Snooze * A-Go-Go
The Despicably Cute
And of course, for male kitties you can add:
I, II, III, IV, and so on
But my favorite DIY Title is to follow this equation:
Cat Name + Adjective or Noun + Pants
GO AHEAD…TRY IT! I’ll do it with my cat Helmet.
Helmet Sassy Pants * Helmet Crunchy Pants
Helmet Hammer Pants * Helmet Chicken Pants
See what I mean?! Adding “Pants” to any name suddenly makes it magical and fun.
***
I hope that you are equipped to start putting together your own DIY Titles for your kitty cats. If you are stuck and need inspiration the next category of Ready-Made Names might help.
READY-MADE NAMES
The following are actual names I found on the Internet. They were either suggested in groups when people were looking to name their cats or were indicated to be names that were already in use by some proud kitty. You may hereby consider yourself inspired.
Sourdough von Breadsticks * Detective Sprinkles
Alfredo Moonglow * Peggy Sandwich
Sweetie Swirl * Prince(ss) Cocoa Beans
Kitteh von Creamsicle * Cleopatra Sassyfrazz
Meowington of Smush Face * Sally McNally
Catrina von Tunasprinkle * Bradley Uppercrust III
Sophie Flannel Sparkle Pants * Judy Finkle
Eleanore Scribbles * Fabio Purrilicious
Cornelius J. McGillicutty * Houseboat Bob
Tuna Van de Hoover * Neville the Inquisitive
The Right Honorable Judge Cornball von Wigglebooty
Vespurr Eveningstarr * Jedediah Longwhiskers
Patches Hoolihee * Gaspar von Smolmouf
Swiftie Kitty * Turd Ferguson * General Booty
Noodle Doodle * Onion McBunyan * Mr. Tax Law
Professor Springy * Handsome Nugget
Baby von Catnip * Otto von Scribbles
Kitty Soft Paws * Lord Wilford of Brimley
Sir Loin of Beef * Lord Benadryl Cornstarch II
Lord Pompuss * Earl of Grumpington
Ernie Asparagus * Stallion O’Halloran
Sir Snuffles, Lord of Judgment * Girly McGirlface
Klaus McLovin’ * Larry von Leisure Suit
Madam Mayhem * Penny Feather
Sadie Sink * Duke of Purrl
COOL NAMES
This category doesn’t need much description. Got a cool cat? Give it a cool name. End of story.
Mantis * Viper * Mamba
Scorpion * Fang * Outlaw
Scandal * Nightmare
Juggernaut * Swagger
Fuego * Nitro * Zinc
Thunderstruck (Thunder)
G’nash * Gnarly
Megamind * Zephyr (Zepp)
Or you could go another way and give him or her a name that is COOL simply because it is unadorned and basic and not fancy at all. The Karens and Daves of the world UNITE!
Karen * Betty * Donna
Tammy * Nancy * Linda
Dave * Kevin * Brad
Steve * Bob * Earl
Wow, does it get any cooler than a cat named Steve? I don’t think so.
You can purchase the paperback and ebook versions of Hisstopher and Other Unique Cat Names on Amazon.